Page 08 - A Very Short but True Story

Read-Florida Writers Assoc. Jan-2014

 

Being the only male representative of the species, in a household, of one wife, and four wonderful and bright daughters, I have wonderful memories of love, fear, and suspense. I knew I was in deep trouble when it was announced, our house is a democracy. One individual, one vote.

I still have vivid memories of the verbal thrashing I endured for the simple act of forgetting to place the toilet seat back down when I was finished. I know females can hear perfectly clear in the dark, I also know a night light improves eyesight. I mean, how simple of a task could it be, to look before you sit?

Every time I wanted to use the John, I was required to reach down without the aid of latex gloves, grasp the front edge of the toilet seat by the bottom and lift it up and out of the way. In retrospect toilet paper could have worked for this task, but I just now thought about it.

Being of sound mind on occasion, I decided to try an experiment to see how the rest of the household would react to my concern for their health and to resolve a problem. One night, when finished, I simply put the seat and cover in the down position. Surly anyone would lift the lid before use. I shuttered in fear early one morning when my bride stumbled into the bathroom, night light and all, and sat down.

“What the HELL is this?” at the top of her voice echoing off the walls of the bathroom. “It’s wet everywhere!”

When interrogated, about the lid in the down position, I had to admit, I was the culprit.

“Why would anyone in their right mind, place the cover in the down position?”

“Sweets, I just heard on the television, bacteria can travel at least six feet with each flush. I put the cover down to protect your toothbrush. I was protecting your toothbrush.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Listen, if you know what is good for you, you will knock this off right now.”

I again started to defend my position only getting one squeak from my throat “protectttt…”

“Don’t ever put the lid down…ever again. My toothbrush is just fine. Now get up and clean up your mess while I take a shower.”

“Yes, dear. It’s all my fault.”